There’s been a lot in the news lately about “bromances” and a few years ago, Sex and the City had everyone talking about the real, and important relationships between adult women. And these are all good things. Friends are important! I have had the same core group of girlfriends since first grade. We actually refer to the girl we met in 7th grade as “the New One.” As a teenager I always got along better with guys. I even claimed to not get along well with other girls. Looking back, I can see what I meant (I got tired of the cattiness and insecurity) but in truth – my annoyance was I believe more a function of age and maturity than it was of gender. Now? I am generally mistrustful of women who don’t have any other women friends.
But – I digress. This entry is about girl crushes. You see, I am generally pretty heterosexual. I have only ever been in a relationship with a man, and forseeably – that will remain the truth. But I get tremendous crushes on other girls. Not in a sexual sense (although most of my friends are absolutely gorgeous!) but in a “Oh my gosh, you are the most awesomest creature alive! Let’s be best friends!” sense. (I have literally done this. More than once.)
Some crushes are stronger than others, and some turn into amazing long-lasting friendships. Others really never get off the ground, and I realize that I was totally blinded and the person is actually really kind of irritating. Or I have idealized them into something they totally, totally are not. Some crushes peter off and I revert to my normal, regular version of friendship.
Lately, I reconnected with an old friend and I am crushing all over again. I can’t wait to hang out with her, and we are telling each other ridiculous inside jokes. We “broke up” for good reasons, a long time ago – but I think we have both changed a lot. This is coming right off the crush-tail of my new-found friend Jamie. Frank actually calls her “my girlfriend” and my excessive, apparently-not-so-unlimited text bill will confirm our infatuation.
Which brings me to a conclusion I realized this morning. I am dating! I have been in a comitted relationship with Frank for over 5 years, and we have been lucky to be relatively drama-free. I think that my relationships with these women have become a substitute for the dating and crushing and obsessing that I did when I was single. And it’s kind of a win-win, because I get all of the fun and companionship and less of the heartbreak and having to wear painful high heels.
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Ha! This is great! And I get girl crushes all the time. Also, you’ve so totally solved a problem that was tumbling around in my head… I haven’t had a crush or been on a TRUE date in forever. I was kinda missing the feeling, but I’m very much taken (and happy about being taken). A girl crush is the PERFECT way to satisfy my need for fun and excitement without having to cheat on my husband. Awesome.
As thanks, I will accept a toast on your next anniversary.
Hey I love the new layout!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Maybe it isn’t new anymore, I usually read in reader…but I. LOVE. IT.
Thanks so much! A friend designed it, and I think she did an awesome, awesome job.
Oh, I do this too. (And have had the “I love you, we should be best friends!” conversation the first time I’ve met women, too). Strangely enough, it didn’t scare them off…
The worst is when you feel like you’re ‘cheating’ on one friend by spending too much time with another. The best is when you’ve known someone so long (like you and your grade school friends) that you know you’ll be there for each other – always. That’s more than a crush: it’s love!
You are totally right. With the old crew – I am not crushing. I am just in a very long term, committed relationship. I am in old, married love with them.
And speaking of jealousy, I expect a comment from Jamie ANY MINUTE now.
This is an amazing post and so, so very true. I’m harboring several very serious girl crushes at the moment. Lots of them in the blogosphere. There are so many interesting ladies out here.
As someone who DOES have relationships with women, it is my biased belief that women are able to have intense and loving relationships (without sex) together.
There is just this bond that can occur…despite having boyfriends or husbands.
Only us chicks can truly understand.
I never really thought of it as a girl crush, yet that makes total sense.
BTW, your blog totally rocks socks
How have I not commented on this yet!? Oh yeah, I’ve been crazy busy, which means you and I have not gotten our canoodling in this week. =(
I fully expect make up sex.
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