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An Open Letter to My Beloved

December 10, 2009
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Dear Love of My Life,

Throughout the year, I listen to you. I try to anticipate your desires and make notes of things you find charming or funny. I monitor your wardrobe to see if you need more sweaters/socks/cologne/t-shirts with funny pictures. I watch you to see if there are ways I can make your life easier, more fascinating or just a little sparklier. I keep my ear to the ground and read catalogs and websites in hopes of finding items that would make you smile when you unwrap them. I love you and want you to be happy. It’s a beautiful time of the year, and doubly so because it is your birthday and the general holiday season.

But if you continue to tell me “there’s nothing I need” and then go out and buy yourself trinkets in the months and weeks leading up to the end of December, I will shank you with a Christmas angel and hide your body in the evergreens.

Love,

Your Girlfriend

(Please feel free to modify as appropriate for your own loved ones. Happy Holidays!)

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Aud permalink
    December 10, 2009 5:03 pm

    this was adorable… I didn’t know you liked Frank
    he better start talking and dropping hints

  2. December 11, 2009 9:58 am

    this is hilarious and totally cute. You are such a good writer, even with the short stuff like this. I love it!

  3. Frank permalink
    December 14, 2009 10:35 pm

    I left a letter to Santa on the kitchen table. Could you please mail it to the North Pole for me? Thanks a bunch.

  4. marisa permalink
    December 31, 2009 8:21 am

    Frank you better watch out- I hear Eri has a direct line to the Christmas Krampus.

  5. January 10, 2010 2:45 pm

    Wow, so funny because its true.
    PS: Star tree toppers might work better for shanking.

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