Category Archives: Taking Care of Yourself

Accountability

weight-loss-tips-hdl-the-good-cholesterol-720x384I hate talking about weight. I hate talking about diets, and working out, and I’ve never been the kind of girl to stand around in front of friends complaining that I look so fat, or that I ate too much salad and now feel bloated. I don’t do it for a few reasons:

  1. It’s unhealthy to discuss weight and food and negative self-talk so much.
  2. I find it super boring.
  3. On some level, I think I’ve hoped that if I don’t mention my weight, somehow no one will notice it.

I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. I have flirtations with the gym, and I’ve had (non-lasting) success on Weight Watchers. Sometimes I get angry at myself, or I hate the way I look and other times? I’ve made peace with it. I support Fat Acceptance, and have convinced myself that despite my size, I’m healthy.

I can’t really continue this charade.

Despite having been treated for a thyroid disorder for about 10+ years, I’ve never seen an endocrinologist. Not intentionally, not really. I just let my GP handle my medication and check my blood work and never thought twice about it. But, I saw an office, literally the building in front of my subway stop that had both a GP (I clearly need a new one) and an endocrinologist. Score one for the super lazy girl! So, I finally made an appointment with the endo. The good news is that with treatment, all of my hormone levels are okay. She did find two nodules on my thyroid (I had a sonogram), but she says they’re tiny. We’ll follow up in six months to check for growth. But, the good news is that my blood sugar levels are normal, an EKG was totally normal, and my blood pressure is stellar.

The bad news? I’m heavier than I have ever been in my life. And I’ve been hovering at this weight, and I don’t even know how I got this heavy in the first place. Shit, I don’t know how I got this heavy 35 lbs. ago.

I’m really freaked out and unhappy about it. I knew I wasn’t doing the “right” things, but I didn’t realize how far I had slipped from healthy eating and exercise habits.

And worse? My cholesterol is high. Like, terrifyingly extremely high.

Why am I discussing this all now?

I have to do something. And what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working. I can’t handle this all on my own, and yet — I’m totally not motivated to do what I know I need to be doing (tracking, exercising, etc.). But – I’m going to. I have a terrifying family health history, and I want to break this cycle.

Weight is one thing – people come in all sizes and shapes. Fat doesn’t have to mean unhealthy. But this cholesterol number? That’s unhealthy. Yes, I know that skinny people can have high numbers too – but I’m pretty sure this is food-related. And I don’t “feel” healthy.

So, if you are on MyFitnessPal – be my “friend” and let’s motivate one another! And I should probably note that I’ve signed up (a few weeks ago) for the Color Run 5k on July 7th. Whether I actually “run” or just jog/briskly walk — that’s up for debate. But I will finish it, and I won’t be plotzing at the end.

I’ll be checking in again, monthly, to let you all know how much I’ve lost. And I’ll figure out a new GP (I need one anyway) and give you an updated cholesterol number.

Also, and this may be awkward – but if you know me in person? I really don’t want to discuss this face-to-face. So, if you must comment — keep it to the internet. If I want to bring it up, I will!

Making a Wish To Be Less Cranky

I am in a super cranky mood. No particular reason, and yet a bunch of reasons.

In no particular order, here’s what’s made me cranky this week:

1. My car’s lack of Sirius radio. Hello, first world problems. My sister has been nice enough to let me borrow her car during the week, so that Frank can have ours. But I didn’t borrow it this week, and I had been spoiled by her Sirius radio/Howard Stern. So now I am annoyed whenever I get into my car and don’t have Robin Quivers braying in my ear. And Howard kind of reminds me of my dad, and I really miss my dad. And I tend to miss him more when I am alone, driving in my car – because that’s when I have time to think. And I think about my dad.  And now that I’m writing this, my guess is that it’s less about being cranky about Sirius radio and more being cranky about my dad. But I am too cranky for that level of introspection right now.

2. I went to a somewhat useless conference in Atlanta this week. Somewhat, because there was some team-building there, and I got to hear some interesting presentations and be inspired. But useless because right now, that inspiration just has to get locked into a “maybe later” vault, and I didn’t learn any of the real world applications that I had hoped to learn.

3. My lunches have sucked this week. Whether it was bad conference food, cafeteria food at work (the new guy is an awful wrap maker) or whether I brought it in from home (oh Trader Joe’s mideast feast – you have disappointed me), I love lunch. So I hate when it isn’t delicious.

4. I went to the gym. Okay, this may actually be in the positive column, but I’m always annoyed while I’m at the gym. I hate the stupid elliptical, I hate being bored, I hate being sore and I never quite get that amazing euphoric post-work out high that other gym-goers rave about. I know, there’s a lot I can do to combat my gym hate (i.e. take classes, use the pool, download podcasts) but … it made me cranky this week, so it’s on the list!

5. My family. I can’t go into too much detail, of course – but it just never seems to end. This one isn’t speaking to that one, this one did wrong, that one doesn’t call this one, this one doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt, this one is calling the cops on that one… It’s just exhausting. And the specter of everyone getting together at the end of next year for a wedding? Makes everything feel more tense.

6. Some random friends stuff. Weddings just never bring out the best in anyone, do they?  A few weeks ago, a friend didn’t include me in a wedding-related event that surprised me. And I just recently became aware of how hurt I was by it. And I don’t really know how to handle it, except for backing away from her. I have no desire to mend the friendship which was already pretty broken, but has been maintained for political harmony reasons.  But I seem to be doing that a lot lately — backing away. I wonder if that’s contributing to the cranky?

7. The Penn State Scandal. I just can’t wrap my head around people rioting about someone who helped to cover up children being raped. I get it, he’s a folk hero – but … kids were raped. I think that should trump most things. It’s okay to be disappointed and disillusioned, but the level of outrage seems to just be entirely disproportionate. And it makes me think a lot about a book I just read that I really recommend (Hush by Eishes Chayil) and about the community’s responsibility when someone is being hurt. Or bullied. And I think I’m really coming to terms with my own childhood bullying situation (which of course involved the friend in #6). And I’m just sad. And angry.

8. My dog has to go to the vet again. Anyone remember the Expensive Knee Surgery of the Summer? She’s been on painkillers this whole time. We finally weaned her down to zero, except – wean is a misnomer. The poor dog just isn’t walking right, and it’s breaking my heart. So, the vet wants to see her. He has seen her once before, and they couldn’t see anything by visually inspecting her. I don’t know what they expect to see differently tomorrow AM, but I have a bad feeling about more surgeries and expensive x-rays, etc. And I feel awful about being worried about money, because — the poor thing is in pain!

I know, this is getting long. But whenever I bitch about something negative, I try to add in a few positives. So, things that are making me smile?

1. My weekend plans. One is a fun surprise for a friend, and the other is some time with my buddy Jill. She has promised pumpkin-related food items. How could that not make you smile?

2. My friend’s baby. I’ve been trying to spend time with her once a week, and last night was our night together. Ever give a happy, giggling 5-week old a bath? I have! Cutest. Kid. Ever.

 

Weekend Bookended by Cheese

It’s Sunday evening, and I’m pretty confident in calling this weekend a success. Life has been hectic lately with the new job and the wedding planning and just … life. This weekend was marked by being one of the last weekends before “Holiday Madness” begins, and I spent a good deal of it sleeping.

As in, I slept until noon (with a brief dogwalking bout of wakefulness on Saturday) until noon, both days. That’s almost unprecedented.

The weekend began on Friday night when we went out to celebrate my friend Rachel’s birthday. She’s had kind of a rough year, so it was nice to get together and do something fun in her honor, and hopefully usher in some more fun times ahead. And we had the perfect ingredients including a bunch of 8, fun, happy girls and a restaurant that specializes in cheese. We went to Artisanal Bistro, which is a place I’ve been hoping to check out for awhile.  This is one of the best nights out I’ve had in a long time, and we really had a great time, and laughed a lot. And that may or may not have anything to do with the fact that we had two pots of fondue (cheese and chocolate), a billion delicious appetizers, some yummy entrees, 4 bottles of wine and six desserts.  I’m pretty sure this place is going to become a regular for my friends for a long time.  My goal is to one day dine in the Cheese Cave.

Saturday, after I woke up from my slumber, Frank and I crossed one of the few errands on my list off (weekly library trip) and had a nice brunch together. Something we haven’t always done, but have been trying to do lately. Mainly because by the time Saturday rolls around there’s no food left in the house to make breakfast. Then, I met up with my sister and we crossed off the other items on my “must do” list (get milk and pick up prescriptions.) I spent some quality time with her, and then headed over to my friend Elana’s house with our friend Michelle to hang out with her and 8-week old Jillian. We drank some more wine, ate cookies and made signs for her husband Michael, to encourage him as he ran in the NYC marathon today (run, Michael run!).

I went home, slept until noon today (see a theme?) and then literally did nothing. I accomplished nothing. I didn’t even read. In fact, I’m not sure what I did from noon until now, except for hang out with Frank, play on the internet and finally watch the season premiere of Bones. (Oh my god, how adorable is Booth? Except no mention of Parker?)

Now I’m headed off to Frank’s parents house for … macaroni and cheese. At some point tonight I’m going to attempt an at-home manicure, pack for tomorrow’s business trip to Atlanta and maybe get some freelance done. But man, oh man – I really needed this weekend of doing nothing except for relaxing. And sleeping. And eating cheese. And apparently drinking a lot of wine.

Rockin’ Friday Night

It’s been a little hectic around here lately, and this weekend is going to be packed – so when I realized that Frank had plans for tonight and I had none … I have to admit I was excited about having the night and the apartment to myself. I neglected to think past “get home, get in pajamas” and am apparently too lazy to even figure out how to make real food, so I have eaten ramen for dinner.

I caught up on the Hulu shows I won’t make Frank watch/he doesn’t like.

I read a book.

Blogged about the book.

I read through my RSS feeds.

Caught up on my regular internet haunts (Facebook, OffbeatBride, Jezebel, SomethingAwful, NerdNYC).

I’ve taken the dog for her evening constitutional.

I’m at the end of the internet, I’m relaxed, I’m vaguely hungry and not yet sleepy. I love this. I love feeling like I had enough “me” time and now I’m ready for my boyfriend to come home so I can tell him all about my day. And hope he makes me something to eat. (Which means I should probably clean the kitchen.)

Restaurant Manager Tired of Comping Friends

The Case of the Reluctant Comper

Dear Erica,

My fiance is one of the managers at a restaurant downtown. He has the authority to comp certain things, etc. Friends of mine know this, and funny…there’s been a huge jump in how many of them now go to the restaurant. To the point of asking me if he’s working on a certain day, because they want to bring their friends from out of town there, or celebrate a birthday there, or what-have-you. To the point of dropping his name when he’s not even there, in hopes of getting a discount.

I think this is inappropriate, rude, and is kind of abusing a friendship. It could possibly get my fiance in a lot of trouble, if it happens too often. What do you think?

-Getting Real Annoyed, This is Serious

Dear  GRATIS,

There seems to be a few things going on here. The first is that your friends may not have any idea that they are doing something rude, and I don’t entirely blame them. Why would anyone jump off of the gravy train, unless they had a reason? So – give them a reason.

If I had to guess (and I kind of do) – you and/or your fiancé feels obligated to comp something if his friends or family are there. Has he ever declined to comp, or said “Hey, sorry – can’t help you out tonight, I could get in trouble. But I will recommend you try the fish, because it looked awesome”? My guess is that you haven’t tried saying no, because if you did – one of two things would happen. Your friends and loved ones would say “Hey, cool! No problem. What’s good tonight?” or you would be writing in to me saying “My friends are being jerks when told they aren’t going to be comped any more.”

If I’m wrong, let me know! But it seems to me that your fear of your friends’ anger may be keeping you from speaking your mind. Give people a chance to do the right thing! And, straighten up that backbone J So, the next time they call, feel free to say “He’s working the dinner shift on Tuesday, but just so you know, he needs to reserve his comps for problem guests and high rollers. Hope you guys have fun!” No apologies, no asking for permission. Just the facts, Jack. Friends don’t want to see other friends get in trouble, just so they can get a free appetizer.

That’s the first issue. The second is – does your man know exactly what he can and can’t comp for personal reasons each month/week/whatever? Because if there really is an increased volume of guests, it seems like as with any other repeat customer – a few comps are reasonable. They are bringing in nice money to the restaurant, and that’s a good thing. And hopefully they are treating and tipping the servers well.  But instead of it being rude and inappropriate, maybe it’s just ‘hey, we gotta  eat somewhere, we may as well eat somewhere where we know the manager!”

Ira and the 401(k)

Part of learning how to be an adult is how to deal with money. Some people’s parents handle their money for them for a long, long time. Some were on their own from an early age. No matter where you stand currently, part of learning how to take care of yourself and others is making sure you are at the very least, aware of where your money goes. Because money is power, and you should have all that.  Power and money. And awareness.

(Note: I am NOT a financial expert. At all. As always: Don’t always trust the internet. Internet people can be sneaky. Ask an actual expert for advice. This is just to get you thinking.)

I have friends (believe it or not!) that financially range from knowing what the Dow Jones industrial average is on a given day, and friends who don’t believe in putting their money in anything more complicated than a checking account because they think the world may end up collapsing soon so what’s the point?

I’m somewhere in the middle. I know I need to look towards the future and retirement because I’ve seen what happens when you aren’t well prepared and it’s terrifying.  I also know that the best time to start worrying about this stuff is while you are still young. And you know me – I like to get a good jump on my worrying.

Why start worrying about retirement now, when you aren’t even sure you actually have a career yet and haven’t done other adult things like buy a house or pay off your car, or … well, we’ll get to that other stuff. But the reason is a little something called compound interest. You can read more about it, but in short – how I understand it is that the more you save, the more interest piles up, and the only way to make any real, substantial, not-eating-cat food-when-you’re-80 way to do this is to start now. Even if it’s not big money.

The two most common ways I’ve heard of to save for retirement are Roth IRAs and 401(k)s.

401(k) is a retirement savings plan which allows you to save for retirement pre-tax. It comes right out of your paycheck, so you’ll never miss it.  The pre-tax means you are not paying tax on the money you are putting into this account yet. When you withdraw it, at retirement age, you will then have to pay tax on it. Depending on your tax bracket and estimated tax brackets at age of retirement, etc. this may not be ideal. BUT (and here’s the big but) some companies will match how much money you put in, to some degree. So, if you put in 8%, the company may “match” you 4%. This means they are putting 4% extra into this account for you. A match is FREE money. It’s like a raise. This is a very good thing. If your company offers a 401k match, you should absolutely contribute the most you can to get the most match possible.  401(k)’s are also kind of great because the money comes out of your paycheck before you even see it. This way, you can’t skip out on contributing and don’t even have to worry about it. Pretend it’s like all the other crazy taxes that get taken out. Sigh, shake your head and move on.

What if your company doesn’t contribute (or offer!) a 401(k)? Or, what if you’ve contributed all you can to get the match, but still have money left over to invest?

The answer is a Roth IRA. (ProTip: In real life, pronounce this as “I.R.A.” not “ira” like a throwaway Scrabble word.) Or, it may be a regular IRA, but I don’t know much about those since … I don’t make enough money to bother researching that.

The Roth is also a retirement account, but you contribute to it after you’ve already paid your taxes on it. So, after you get your paycheck – THEN you take your money and put it in this kind of account. Because this is an individual account and you have to set it up yourself, this takes a little more thinking and legwork. But once it’s all done, you can almost certainly set up automatic deductions and then forget about it for awhile again.

As you may have surmised, I love Suze Orman. And I can tell you about Roths no better than Suze can. I promise that this article is really, really readable.

What I Do

When my company offered a 401k match, I took advantage of it. I contributed the most I could to get the full match. I did that from the very first day, my first job out of school. This way I didn’t even realize the money was “missing.” I budgeted everything based on this lower “actual money in my checking account” amount.  My plan was to continue doing this and then when I got on my feet a little more financially, I would take any extra money and open up a Roth IRA and contribute there as well.

Well, life happens. My company stopped offering a match, I was hoping temporarily. I continued contributing, because I was avoiding the hassle of opening up a Roth IRA and I hoped the match would come back. It was confirmed that the match isn’t coming back any time in the immediate future, so this year I stopped contributing. The plan was to immediately open up a Roth IRA, but I decided to take this extra money and finally pay off my car (another post altogether). Once that happens, I’ll open up my Roth IRA. I’m giving myself a hard deadline of June 1st to make my first contribution towards my future, even if the car isn’t paid off.

I hope this helped a bit. I know I didn’t get into mutual funds and all that other nitty-gritty. Mainly because I’m still learning how to understand it all, but I also find that most people struggle with these two larger concepts, so I wanted to focus on that.

Interested in learning more? Here are some of my favorites.

Did I miss anything on these two basics? Do you have money advice of your own and want to share? Not only do I really, really welcome comments, I would love some guest posters who have a knack for explaining complicated concepts about money (investments, budgeting, etc.) Please leave a comment/email me.

Also accepted: Comments on how awesome the new Erica/Suze Orman picture is!

Relaxation = Productivity

I have recently been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately and I determined that it may be because I have a lot going on, but no way of managing it all. Of course, being a nerd – I went right for a book to help me. I read Getting Things Done by David Allen (Organizing Nerd King) and while I learned a few things about flexibility and turning projects into manageable, physical “next steps” (promise, I won’t super-nerd out here), the main thing I learned is that lists are good.

I decided to take a few days off as a “staycation” (I have a bunch of roll-over vacation days because apparently I took no time off of work last year – possibly another cause of stress?) and combined with MLK Jr. Day, I got a full 5 days off with no commitments. It was awesome and productive. I got cracking on some of my lists. So, in list form – what I got done on my staycation!

  • Renew library books
  • Visited my friend Evelyn
  • Sit on my butt and cry said butt off while watching President Obama take office
  • Made appointment with a therapist (Anxiety? What anxiety?)
  • Watch 1st episode of return of BSG
  • Food shopping
  • Called my mom
  • Went to lunch at Blue Smoke
  • Updated my resume (just keeping it current! I haven’t since college)
  • Solicit feedback on resume
  • Figured out what to do with my 401k/possible Roth IRA
  • Watched next disk of Mad Men
  • Finished reading “Getting Things Done”
  • Figured out my password and transferred money to my high yield savings account
  • Looked for pictures of a statue (yes, this was on a list)
  • Buy soy candles (dork alert!)
  • Finally made an appointment to and then had appointment with a contact who answered some of my questions about HR/organizational effectiveness

Stuff I still have to do:

  • Re-request my book from the library because its unrenewable and I just selected it for office book club
  • Blog about “Getting Things Done” for my book blog
  • Fold stuff in my dresser so it doesn’t try to attack me in my sleep
  • Plan trip to Seattle with Frank
  • Read a book that isn’t Getting Things Done

Not bad for a few days of relaxation.

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